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Tyra Stands Up For The Real Victims: Male Models
Was Top Model, at any point in its history, feminist? I mean, we can all agree that Tyra thinks of her little franchise as one that's been primarily good for women (and racial minorities and queer...
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America's Next Top Model Butchers Both Hair And The Reputations Of American...
Top Model fans know the competition doesn't really begin until Makeover Day, the seasonal hacking, gluing, and discoloring of the models' hair (and occasional fixing of their grills). The argument is...
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America's Next Top Model Gets Touched And Retouched
"No model is perfect," Yu declares before this week's two photo-manipulation-themed challenges, the subtext obviously being "...unfortunately." Everyone needs retouching, "from models to grandmas to...
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Two Top Models Enter, One Top Model Pees
One of my biggest issues with modern Top Model is the lack of non-photoshoot-related challenges. Back in the day, a single episode could have the models presenting dream boards to "branding experts,"...
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America's Next Top Model Dreads The Boards
Have you guys heard of William Shakespeare? It's fine if you haven't; he died, like, at least a hundred years ago. If you're not familiar with his work, he wrote the source material for such...
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Everyone On America's Next Top Model Gets All Dolled Up With Nothing To Think
Like last week's "Shakespearean" acting challenge, in which the models read dialogue written by a third-grader who stole his older brother's SparkNotes copy of Romeo & Juliet along with his bong,...
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Booch, Tooch, And Pooch!
This season of America’s Next Top Model really exposes how hard it must be to be a reality-show casting director. On one hand you want a diverse group of misfit toys that make good TV together, but on...
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Tyra Banks Has An Exciting Business Opportunity For You!
If you're still watching America's Next Top Model in Cycle 22, you're certainly also a consistent viewer of RuPaul's Drag Race; and if you're not, I do not understand your TV aesthetic. I have to...
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What Happens In Vegas Is Only Interesting When It Involves Miss J
With the final granules of rock candy dribbling out of Top Model's hourglass, I've been revisiting some of the earlier cycles IN THE HOPES OF forming some grand unifying theory for this show's...
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Top Model Steals From The Best And Makes It 95% Worse
At the beginning of the season (I'm taking a week off from typing "cycle" because I just can't right now), Tyra delivered this sprawling, obnoxious, sanctimonious speech about how Top Model is the...
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Moms Make Everything Better On Top Model
Reuniting reality show contestants with their family members after a month or more of isolation is such a manipulative trope, and one that I will never, ever get tired of. Survivor is, hands down, the...
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Top Model Continues To Overstay Its Welcome
In the course of this episode, I scrolled through four hours of Twitter, followed thirty people on Instagram (most of them drag queens), deleted about a hundred unread emails (most of them from drag...
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